JOEL

There is a word for this behavior, boys and girls: it is SIN. SIN is the driving force behind so-called "human nature". Following our instincts leads us to evil, it leads us from the path of Jesus Christ the savior, and it leads us from the lord. Human instinct inevitably leads us to SIN...

 

HECKLER #1

Sin rules!!!

(there is a little laughter from the audience)

(ignores him completely)

(points to someone at random from the crowd)

(the target grins and pretends to look surprised, pointing to himself and bugging his eyes out quizzically; Joel immediately turns his attention away and points to another young man walking [HECKLER #2] walking innocently past; he has medium-to-long hair neatly cropped in a ponytail)

 

HECKLER #2

 

(stops, surprised and genuinely indignant)

 

JOEL

That’s right, you heard me. You are a sinner. Just like I was. Just like they all are.

 

HECKLER #2

Now just a minute, what the hell gives you the right to criticize me on my hair?

 

JOEL

You watch your language, young man, you’re only digging yourself deeper into the hole of despair.

(now ignoring him)

 

HECKLER #2

HEY! Don’t ignore me. Where in the Bible does it say anything about long hair?

(Joel keeps talking. HECKLER #2 continues to try to argue, but he can’t hope to win a shouting match with the man.)

 

HECKLER #3

How did you get THEM to run with YOU?

(laughter)

 

HECKLER #1

Hey, where can I get some of those?

(more laughter)

(Enter Jody, on a skateboard. She has long, somewhat unkempt hair; she wears denim overalls with patches. She skates up near the back of the crowd, stops, and stands down with one foot on the board.)

(long, slow emphasis on the word; this elicits some giggles from the crowd)

(Some members of the audience giggle; some make gagging noises; a couple just glare at him.)

(to Sid)

 

JOEL

 

(Still ranting, but he quieter now as the focus is on Sid and Jody’s conversation. He can speak at the same time as them, as long as it is understood that he is in the background.)

 

SID

 

(with a sheepish grin)

(at this point, two people in the crowd get bored and walk away, leaving exactly ten as in the beginning)

 

SID

 

(indignant)

 

JOEL

 

(still in the background)

 

JODY

What kind of a masochist are you, anyway? Why do you keep listening to this guy?

 

SID

I don’t know. He’s... funny. I mean, he believes all these crazy things about vengeful gods and everybody going to hell, and I like listening to people making fun of him.

 

JOEL

 

(still in the background)

 

SID

He’s just good for a laugh, okay?

 

JODY

 

(sternly)

(they laugh)

(completing the rant that he has been running with all this time)

 

JODY

Ex-cuse me?

 

JOEL

I know you. I know what you are. As are all women in these dens of iniquities called college campuses. Living for sex and cheap thrills. Perpetrators of evil, all of you.

 

JODY

 

(storms toward the front)

(some applause and catcalls from the audience)

 

JOEL

Get back in your place. The Bible says that women must be submissive. You can still be saved, all of us can. But first you have to recognize the problem.

 

JODY

 

(barely refraining from hitting him)

 

JOEL

Go ahead and strike me, I will merely turn the other cheek. Senseless violence is all that I expect from a child of our media-governed society.

 

JODY

I’m not a child, how mature do YOU think it is to be standing up here condemning people who haven’t done anything wrong?

 

JOEL

There is no one who hasn’t done anything wrong. All are sinners. Without Jesus we are all lost children, searching for the way home to the Father. Remember that, young people, and I’ll leave you with that until tomorrow.
 

(Without another word, Joel turns around and removes his signboard. He takes his Bible from the bench and places it reverently in the briefcase. Then he closes up the briefcase, picks it up, and prepares to leave. Eight people, sensing that the show’s over, walk away. Jody and Sid stay.)

 

SID

I’m going back to the dorm. Are you coming?

 

JODY

 

(picks up her skateboard)

 

SID

If you insist. But I guarantee you’re only gonna frustrate yourself. You can’t reason with a guy like that.

 

JODY

I don’t care if I can reason with him or not, he can’t talk to me like that. Maybe I’ll just punch his lights out.

 

SID

Suit yourself. See you tonight?

 

JODY

Sure.

(exit Sid)

 

JOEL

 

(turns around and flashes a really pleasant, sincere smile)

 

JODY

What is WRONG with you? You get your rocks off calling people whores that you don’t even know? You never even met me before, you have no right to insult me in front of all those people.

 

JOEL

 

(looking surprised)

 

JODY

 

(still angry but now confused)

 

JOEL

I’m sorry. I’m sure I didn’t mean it that way.

 

JODY

What are you, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? You SAID those things. A minute ago, you were telling everybody who walked by that they were all going to hell.

 

JOEL

Yes, I know I do that. Salvation is my calling in life. But sometimes I get a little carried away when I’m standing up there. I may not quite mean everything I say.

 

JODY

You sound like a real hypocrite to me. You don’t really believe all that stuff, do you?

 

JOEL

On the contrary, I believe it completely. I despair when I look on the decadent state that the human race has come to. That’s why I feel that I have to warn people off the path that they are on.

 

JODY

You really think that most people are going to hell?

 

JOEL

Yes, absolutely. In fact, not more than a few people living on this earth today are likely to make it to heaven at all.

 

JODY

How would you know that?

 

JOEL

It’s in the book of Revelations. Read it.

 

JODY

Yeah, right. So if you really believe that, then why bother doing what you do? These people obviously don’t like you and don’t want to hear your message. What difference are you making?

 

JOEL

Indeed, it is a thankless job. It is a way of atoning for my own sins. All are sinners in the eyes of God, even I. I feel that if I can do my own small part to help my fellow man achieve salvation, then my own judgment will be more favorable.

 

JODY

 

(thinks for a minute)

 

JOEL

God judges. We are all in judgment, all the time. That is all I have to say.

 

JODY

Hmmph.

 

JOEL

Listen, it is a lonely calling. You are right, at first it was difficult to comprehend the abuse that got heaped on me. But Jesus was abused too, yet he was strong in the face of adversity. Can I do less?

 

JODY

You don’t have ANY friends, do you?

 

JOEL

The others of my church in Vermont, they are all the friends I could ever need. We respect each other. Every one of us knows what noble sacrifices we all make for the Lord.

 

JODY

Never married?

 

JOEL

Yes, once, in the days before I turned to the Lord. After I found my calling, I saw her for what she was, driven by her appetites and her flesh. I had to cast her out.

 

JODY

 

(sarcastic)

 

JOEL

I am sorry if this offends you, but this is how the world is if you only open your eyes and your heart. It is lonely, yet I do it because it is right.

 

JODY

You know, I don’t believe you for a minute. I think you do it because you’re desperate for attention.

 

JOEL

That’s not true.

(frowning)

 

JODY

Yeah, well, I’m a good Christian too. Maybe not by your standards, but I still am. Anyway, I don’t think you know squat about communicating with people.

 

JOEL

What makes you say that?

 

JODY

If you actually wanted people to LISTEN to you, you wouldn’t intentionally antagonize them. Try talking to people like you’re talking right now, it may get you a whole lot farther.

 

JOEL

You are wrong, my child. Not everyone is like you. This is what people respond to. They WILL listen. You’ll see.

 

JODY

 

(stares at him for a moment, then shivers)

 

JOEL

Thank you for taking the time to talk to me, Miss... I don’t think I heard your name?

 

JODY

Bennet. Jody Bennet. And you are...

 

JOEL

I am called Brother Joel.

 

JODY

Joel what?

 

JOEL

That is all you need to know. In any case, thank you once again for talking to me. It is really quite refreshing to see a young person interested in spirituality.

 

JODY

Uh, sure. You know, you act a lot different when you’re not preaching. It was almost nice talking to you.

 

JOEL

Walk with God.

 

SCENE TWO  MONDAY EVENING  Jody and Sid sit in a dorm lounge together. The left side and the right side of the stage are separated by a wall with a large window and a door. On the right side is a hall with several doors leading to dorm rooms. Jody and Sid each have a textbook, a notebook, and a pencil. Jody is chewing on her pencil and looking annoyed. Sid is confidently writing down answers without a pause.

 

 

JODY

What did you get for number seven?

 

SID

 

(barely glancing up)

 

JODY

What? I had four point three five DIVIDED by n squared.

 

SID

That’s the inverse answer. You forgot to do the last step.

 

JODY

Oh, right...

(Silence as they both work. After a minute, Jody stops writing and stares into space.)

 

SID

 

(sighing)

 

JODY

Not THAT. It’s Brother Joel.

 

SID

Oh, that again.

 

JODY

It was just so weird. I mean, when he’s up there on the bench, he sounds like he hates everything. He talks to strangers like he knows their deepest secrets, but he paints everyone with the same brush. He’s a total asshole.

 

SID

Brilliant, Watson! You figured him out!

 

JODY

But then when he’s talking in person, he’s totally different. He was very nice and polite. I still didn’t like his religious beliefs, but he almost acted like a normal guy.

 

SID

Why do you let him bother you? It doesn’t matter.

 

JODY

No, it DOES matter. It’s some weird human nature thing, or something.

 

SID

So what? He’s just a nutcase. He’s not important to you. All that God stuff doesn’t mean anything.

 

JODY

Sid, why aren’t you an atheist? You’re always mocking God and religions everywhere you go. But you always insist you’re not one.

 

SID

Because atheists are just as arrogant as those religious guys. Both kinds think they know everything. The world isn’t black and white like that. It’s just shades of gray. Maybe there is a God and I just don’t know it. I don’t care.

 

JODY

Oh come on, not ALL things are shades of gray. You must believe there is some right and wrong.

 

SID

Nope, nothing is inherently right or wrong.

 

JODY

Not even when they serve that weird pasta stuff at the cafeteria?

 

SID

 

(grins)

(beat)

 

JODY

There you go, isn’t that a contradiction? You think Christians are WRONG. That means there are some absolutes.

 

SID

No, they’re not wrong, everything has some elements of truth. Just don’t let that guy bug you.

 

JODY

You know, sometimes I just can’t figure you out.

 

SID

Lucky me. If you ever figured me out for what I really was, you’d probably quit hanging out with me. Why should I want to be an atheist anyway?

 

JODY

At least you’d be taking a stand on something. I think everybody should care about something.

 

SID

Caring about things is what causes all the trouble in this world. Why aren’t YOU an atheist?

 

JODY

I’m a Catholic. I already care about something.

 

SID

So that means you’re on his side, right?

 

JODY

NO. But I still think I’m going to go back and listen to him tomorrow. Maybe he really is a good guy and I’m just missing something.

 

SID

Now who’s a masochist?

 

JODY

You are, because you actually took the time to figure out the math homework. Can you explain number thirteen?

 

SCENE THREE  TUESDAY AFTERNOON  (Sid and Jody walk slowly across the campus. Stage left is completely covered, so that we do not see the side with Joel’s bench.)

 

 

SID

Stupid pop quiz. I thought I knew all the material...

 

JODY

I thought it was easy.

 

SID

 

(stops and looks at stage left)

 

JODY

What?

(following his gaze, then grins)

 

SID

Well, there’s only so much a man can take. Is it just me, or is he drawing a bigger crowd today?

(The curtain opens completely, revealing Brother Joel in his usual spot with an entourage of hecklers. As Sid pointed out, the crowd is indeed larger than the day before; there are 17 people now. One particularly thoughtful looking person is KEVIN.)

 

JOEL

Revelations. Read it. Know it. It is your guide to the wages of sin.

 

HECKLER #1

Thanks, but I already know my way around there!

 

JOEL

It is written, that before the end of the world shall come the Rapture. That a great idol shall rise in the world, and he shall be known as Antichrist. That the people shall revere him even as a god, and a great leader of men. This one shall bring the destruction of the world.

 

HECKLER #3

I think I know that guy! He’s my uncle!

 

JOEL

And I am warning you now, that if you are not prepared for the final conflict between good and evil, then you will surely perish.

 

SID

If I had to make a guess, I’d say he didn’t follow your advice to lighten up his message.

 

JODY

No big surprise there. He’ll never learn. And he’ll never reach anybody at this rate.

 

JOEL

It is true. It is the literal word of God as spoken in the Bible. Very soon will come the Rapture, when the great evil leader will come. Everyone will fall under his hypnotic sway, believing him to be a spiritual guide. Then he will brand everyone with the number of the beast and all shall fall under his hypnotic sway.

 

HECKLER #1

Sure, why not? We’re already almost in a trance listening to you! We’re getting sleeeeppppyyyy...

 

JOEL

Just look around you! We are already in such a decadent state, the world has already sunk so into such depravity...

 

KEVIN

I agree with you.

(The crowd turns to look at this newcomer, an almost comical look of surprise on their collective faces. Obviously this sort of thing has never happened before.)

 

JOEL

You... you do?

 

KEVIN

That the world is in trouble? That we need a moral compass? Of course I do. But you can’t threaten people into being good.

 

JOEL

 

(mechanically, as if reciting something he’s memorized)

 

KEVIN

Don’t recite your lines at me, preacher man. These people are ready, willing and able to accept your message if only you would be more compassionate towards them.

(there is some murmured assent from the crowd)

 

JODY

Hey, here’s somebody who knows what he’s talking about for a change.

 

SID

I think I know that guy. He’s in my Humanities section. His name’s... Kevin, I think.

 

JOEL

Young man, I’ll have you know that I have heard people like you say this a thousand times...

 

KEVIN

But you still haven’t gotten the message, obviously, so we have to keep saying it until you stop being a danger to yourself and to your cause.

(By this time, he has stepped up to stand on the bench along with Joel.)

(The crowd murmurs a lot of noncommittal agreement.)

 

JODY

He does look familiar. I think he’s in our dorm.

 

SID

Yeah, I think you’re right.

 

JOEL

YOU are the ones causing the problems, you and your sinful ways...

 

KEVIN

That’s right, us and our sinful ways. And corrupt politicians who play fast and loose with our money, and callous business owners who rape the environment... you’re darn right that we need some spiritual direction.

(The crowd continues to respond in a fairly positive manner. Kevin has the crowd well and truly behind him.)

 

JOEL

Well, er... I suppose I... would like to have your support.

 

KEVIN

That’s what I thought. What YOU have to accept is the fact that deep down, we all want the same things. Jesus Christ is just the angle that you have chosen to take on the problems that face our society. Now, I personally happen to agree with you. Jesus may well be the answer as far as I’m concerned. But what’s more to the point is that we need to rally behind a common cause. We need strong leaders, and we need to collectively take a stand against our moral decadence or WHATEVER you want to call it. And that can’t be done without everybody’s moral support. Whether you believe that 99% of the human race is evil at heart is totally moot.

 

MEMBERS OF THE CROWD

Yeah! / Right on! / You tell him!

 

KEVIN

I want to fight the good fight with friends by my side, and the last thing Christians need is someone like you to turn all our allies into hostile enemies.

(The crowd bursts into spontaneous applause.)

 

JOEL

Well, I don’t know what to say.

 

JODY

That’s a first. This guy’s really got something going for him.

 

KEVIN

You see? We’re all on the same team. Well, it’s been fun but I have to go.

(He stops down. A couple of people give him high fives. As he walks away, most of the others wander off too. Clearly Joel is fighting a losing battle to hold their attention, as Kevin was a tough act to follow.)

 

SID

Are you coming?

 

JODY

Be with you in a bit. Meet me back at the dorm later.

 

SID

Okay, see you... hey Kevin, wait up!

(he runs after Kevin)

 

JOEL

 

(Says nothing; merely gapes after Kevin as he leaves.)

 

JODY

What’s the matter, Joel, are you upset because he stole your show?

 

JOEL

What? No! No. But... my message must be heard!

 

JODY

Seems to me like he did you a favor, boy-o. He is doing what he can to make people listen to your message without being called sluts and turning their backs on you.

 

JOEL

But that is not my message! The Rapture! The end of the world! The Book of Revelation!

 

JODY

Know what your problem is? You can’t accept defeat gracefully.

 

JOEL

But it is of the utmost importance! It will happen as written. The charismatic spiritual leader shall dominate the world.

 

JODY

Get a grip on yourself, Joel.

 

JOEL

 

(frantic now)

 

JODY

Now you’re really scaring me. I have to go.

 

SCENE FOUR  A FEW MINUTES LATER  (Sid and Kevin are walking towards the dorm together.)

 

 

SID

Serious, Kevin, that was pretty cool back there. You really had those people eating out of the palm of your hand.

 

KEVIN

You flatter me.

 

SID

No, really, you showed that pompous windbag a thing or two.

 

KEVIN

Don’t be so harsh on him, Sid. He has the best of intentions, and his message is a good one.

 

SID

Oh sure, you don’t have to tell me that. Every religion has some elements of truth in it if you only look hard enough. It’s all relative. It’s not his content but his form that causes problems.

 

KEVIN

You got that right. By the way, have you started on that paper yet?

 

SID

Nah, I haven’t even done the reading yet. Some other boring philosopher who thinks he knows everything, right?

 

KEVIN

Yes, it’s Hume. I don’t like him much. He’s too anti-religious.

 

SID

Another overbearing chump with a lot of strong opinions that he can’t prove.

 

KEVIN

That too. Say, what happened to that girl you were with?

 

SID

Who? Jody? Oh, speaking of people with a bunch of strong opinions they can’t prove. (grins) She stayed to talk with Brother Joel, I think.

 

KEVIN

Why? Is she that devout?

 

SID

Naw, she’s got some kind of fixation with him. He called her a whore yesterday and now she won’t leave him alone. She’s pretty messed up.

 

KEVIN

How do you know her?

 

SID

We went to high school together. Friends by default, I guess. We like to argue about religion and morality all the time.

 

KEVIN

She sounds like someone I should get to know.

 

SID

Be my guest.

 

SCENE FIVE  TUESDAY EVENING  (Jody in her dorm room. She lying face down on the bed, facing the audience, kicking her feet in the air, reading a magazine while Led Zeppelin plays. There is a knock at the door.)

 

 

JODY

It’s open!

(The door opens and Kevin enters.)

 

KEVIN

Yes, that’s right.

 

JODY

I’m Jody.

 

KEVIN

I know that.
 

(pause)

 

KEVIN

Oh, I just wanted to ask about your general opinions of Brother Joel. Sid said you spent a lot of time talking to him.

 

JODY

Oh, SID told you where to find me. Well, that clears one thing up.

 

KEVIN

So?

 

JODY

I think he’s a harmless little man who wants people to pay attention to him.

 

KEVIN

But his message? What about that?

 

JODY

Oh, gee, it’s hard to take him too seriously... I mean, I can see where he’s coming from by now, so he doesn’t seem as bizarre as he used to. Like, you know, he really believes in what he’s saying and he just has a funny way of trying to do people a favor.

 

KEVIN

Don’t you think he could be right?

 

JODY

How do you define right in this case? Crazy stories about the end of the world, wages of sin. That stuff’s just a fantasy in some false prophet’s head.

 

KEVIN

Interesting that you should think that.

 

JODY

What? Why?

 

KEVIN

No reason. Good night.

(He exits, neglecting to close the door behind him. Jody stares after him for a minute, confused. Then she gets up, closes the door, and goes back to reading.)

 

SCENE SIX  WEDNESDAY, MID-MORNING  (At the bench. No one is there, except for a few students who are hurrying off to class. After a few moments, Joel enters with his briefcase and begins meticulously setting up his "work station." A few moments later, Kevin enters as well.)

 

 

KEVIN

Brother Joel.

 

JOEL

 

(Turning around.)

 

KEVIN

I just want to let you know that I’m with you all the way.

 

JOEL

You say that, but I can’t believe it of you. You are more dangerous than any of those other hecklers. You are attempting to soften my message, and that must not happen.

 

KEVIN

I know. I agree with you.

 

JOEL

Do you really?

 

KEVIN

Look, when I say all those things about love and acceptance, I know it’s not true. You are right. People must be taught to hate in order to truly accept God.

 

JOEL

Yes, yes, that is very important.

 

KEVIN

There is so much evil in the world, it seems almost ripe for the plucking. The Antichrist will have an easy time of it when he comes. So much homosexuality. Abortion. People abuse themselves with drugs and perversion. We live in a culture of death, my friend.

 

JOEL

That is a fact.

 

KEVIN

You have to appreciate my position, though. Students on this campus, well, they’re not that bright. They are averse to change. They are unwilling to accept responsibility for their own actions. Nobody wants to think of themselves as part of the problem. That’s why it’s important to proceed with caution, reach out to them tentatively, so eventually they can accept your entire message.

 

JOEL

I’m sorry to have doubted you. You really are a good Christian.

 

KEVIN

Anger and vengeance. They are good concepts that will be accepted in time. But you must be patient as well.

 

JOEL

I will try to take this to heart. Son, you are an inspiration. What are you studying here at the university?

 

KEVIN

Politics and theology. I hope to be a great world leader one day, with millions of people supporting my cause.

 

JOEL

Very noble.

 

KEVIN

Oh, and Brother Joel, about the Antichrist?

 

JOEL

Yes?

 

KEVIN

I’m sure you’re right about him. He may arrive sooner than anybody thinks.

 

JOEL

Yes, you must be right. Walk with God.

 

SCENE SEVEN  WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON  (The bench. There are twenty-eight people crowding around. Brother Joel and Kevin both stand on the bench. Oddly, nobody seems to be heckling or laughing today. In fact, many seem to enthusiastically agree with what is said.)

 

 

JOEL

Yes, just as Brother Kevin has said, we must all fight the good fight together. For the struggle of good and evil happens within every individual, and only together can we find respite from the troubles of the world. I feel for you and your generation. We must collectively fight against the careless spending and the destruction of the environment.

(some shouts of approval)

(Jody skates into the scene and does a double-take when she sees how many people there are.)

 

JODY

Oh my God, what happened to this place?

 

SUPPORTER #1

Hey, I’ll thank you not to take the name of the Lord in vain.

 

JODY

Get a life, pal.

 

KEVIN

You see, Joel really can be a reasonable guy. We’re all on the same side here. I think everybody can get along and still be brothers in Christ.

 

JODY

Well I don’t know about you, but I still think he’s full of it.

(some heads turn around to look at her)

 

KEVIN

 

(looking at her sternly)

 

JODY

If Brother Joel can take it, you can too.

 

SUPPORTER #2

Hey, leave the guy alone.

 

JOEL

That’s right, I am the messenger of God and Kevin has been sent to show me the ways of communication.

 

JODY

He’s doing a lousy job, you’re still an arrogant fuck.

 

KEVIN

My friends, no need to listen to this girl. I know you’re all better than this.

 

JOEL

Yes, and prepare yourself for the final battle with Satan, for only the truly good...

 

KEVIN

Stop interrupting me, Brother.

 

JOEL

But I...

 

KEVIN

These are my friends and they came here for me.

 

SUPPORTER #3

You rule, Kev!

 

JOEL

But they came here to be saved, to hear the word of God...

 

KEVIN

Sure, sure, and you’re doing a fine job of enthralling these people. Just please step towards the back a little bit.
 

(Joel yields with a confused look on his face. Jody, losing interest, storms away.)

 

SCENE EIGHT  WEDNESDAY EVENING  (Jody’s Room. She is lying on her back, studying a history book. Green Day is playing on her sound system. There is a knock at the door.)

 

 

JODY

Yeah.

(The door opens and Kevin enters.)

 

KEVIN

What do you have against Jesus?

 

JODY

Nothing. I’m a Catholic girl, myself.

 

KEVIN

Oh really? Then why do you join in the shameless harassment of Brother Joel? He is a good man, he only wants people to get back to the spiritual values that made this country great.

 

JODY

Look, Kevin, I think you’re a really nice guy and I appreciate what you’re trying to do for people. But I’ve had a long day and I really don’t feel like discussing this right now.

 

KEVIN

ANSWER ME!

 

JODY

 

(too startled to do anything but comply)

 

KEVIN

No it isn’t. Hate is what reaches people.

 

JODY

 

(sitting up)

 

KEVIN

And we should learn to hate, because without hatred there is no battle, and without a battle Satan will always win.

 

JODY

Kevin, you didn’t sound like this before.

 

KEVIN

Those people, they’re sheep. They’re not ready for the true Word of God. But you, you could be so much more than they are. You are one of the special ones. I can see it. This is how it must be. So much corruption in the world. Drugs. Alcohol. Homosexuals. Abortions. Liberals. They must be hated.

(clutching her by the shoulders)

 

JODY

 

(very frightened)

 

KEVIN

You hold on to your illusion of love, but it isn’t real. In time, people will listen to Brother Joel, and they will come to understand.

 

JODY

 

(trying to push him)

 

KEVIN

If you are not with us then you’re against us. You can be an object of hatred too.

 

JODY

 

(kicks him in the groin, then knocks him over)

 

KEVIN

 

(in pain but still functional)

(Jody runs out of the room)

 

SCENE NINE  A FEW MINUTES LATER  (The student lounge. Sid is studying by himself. Jody bursts in.)

 

 

JODY

 

(out of breath)

 

SID

I’m sure Kevin isn’t after you. He’s a very nice guy once you get to know him.

 

JODY

You don’t understand. Kevin just physically assaulted me.

 

SID

Hmm... wow, really?

 

JODY

I’m serious, Sid, something is very wrong with that guy.

 

SID

Well, don’t worry about it. I’ll protect you if he comes in here.

 

JODY

Are you just humoring me?

 

SID

 

(sighing)

 

JODY

Shut up and listen. He came into my room and grabbed me.

 

SID

What, he just marched in without your permission?

 

JODY

Well... I let him in first.

 

SID

 

(impatiently)

 

JODY

But I’m serious. That guy’s dangerous.

 

SID

Jody, you’re seeing things in black and white again. For once can’t you just accept things for what they are?

 

JODY

Rrrrrgh! Never mind, there’s no point in talking to you. I’m gonna go back to my room and LOCK THE DOOR. See you in the morning, Sid. I hope.
 

(Exit Jody. Sid shakes his head and then turns his attention back to his book.)

 

SCENE TEN  THURSDAY, AROUND NOON  (Kevin is preaching alone from the bench. Brother Joel is absent. Astoundingly, forty-six people crowd into the space around the bench. Near the back is Jody. She is looking at the spectacle with mixed horror and disgust.)

 

 

KEVIN

Friends, I tell you once again that the day is coming when we must unite against the common evil.

 

JODY

You tell them, Kevin. What is this common evil? Could it maybe have something to do with attacking helpless women in their dorm rooms?

 

KEVIN

Jody, I won’t warn you again. You keep silent.

(The crowd jeers at Jody.)

 

JODY

Or what? You’ll hit me with a lightning bolt?

 

KEVIN

 

(Tries to ignore her)

 

THE SUPPORTER FORMERLY KNOWN AS HECKLER #2

Look! I cut my hair!

 

KEVIN

Very nice, you made a sacrifice to virtue, as we all must...

 

JODY

Did the farmer sheer your wool off, you goddamn sheep?

(People are beginning to turn towards Jody in obvious annoyance. They look around and then slowly turn away, muttering imprecations on her head.)

 

KEVIN

But there are some people who just cannot see right from wrong.

(A few members of the crowd boo.)

(He looks very pointedly at Jody.)

 

JODY

What’s that supposed to mean? You can’t intimidate me, dipshit.

 

KEVIN

Such people live only to win you over for the glory of the Antichrist, to stop Jesus from entering your hearts. You cannot reason with these people.

 

JODY

Look who’s talking.

 

KEVIN

The best anyone can hope to do is... silence them.

 

JODY

 

(as forty-five heads turn simultaneously to look at her)

(The crowd is moving towards her. She takes a few steps back.)

 

KEVIN

Only TOGETHER can we fight the evil.

 

THREE PEOPLE IN CROWD

Together...

 

JODY

What’s happened to you people?

(She jerks away as someone grabs at her sleeve.)

(Quickly assessing her odds of winning this fight, she drops her skate board and kicks away as fast as she can. The crowd breaks into a slow run after her. Exeunt all.)

 

SCENE ELEVEN  THURSDAY AFTERNOON  (The lounge. Jody comes running in on the right side of the stage, carrying her board. She runs up to the farthest door and grabs the handle with one hand as she pats her pocket with the other. Then she reaches down and pats both pockets.)

 

 

JODY

Damn... my keys!

(runs down the hall and pounds on another door.)

(Offstage, we hear muted shouting, a la angry townspeople coming to burn down Castle Frankenstein.)

 

JODY

Shit.

(exit, in the opposite direction)

 

SCENE TWELVE  THURSDAY, TWILIGHT Joel sits despondently on his bench. The crowd is gone now, of course. Jody skates in stage left and stops. She looks behind her, then leans against a tree, breathing heavily. Joel looks up, sees her, and smiles.

 

 

JOEL

Jody!

 

JODY

(backing away warily, with her skateboard held low as if for a quick escape)

 

JOEL

I don’t understand. What’s my fault?

 

JODY

Your groupies are trying to kill me!

 

JOEL

I don’t have any groupies. I never did. I’m a washed out evangelist who can’t even preach to the choir successfully.

 

JODY

Good point.

 

JOEL

Jody, I am confused. For the first time since I was born again, I feel doubts about whether I am doing any good.

 

JODY

Yeah well, pardon me if I have doubts about all of your kind. My life is in danger here.

 

JOEL

But that can’t be! Fundamentalists are supposed to save people from damnation! We don’t kill!

 

JODY

What did you expect? When you spend all your life teaching people how to hate, and they learn the lesson, this is what happens.

 

JOEL

But the danger is real! The Antichrist will walk this earth!

 

JODY

Bullsh...

(Struck by a thought.)

 

JOEL

What is it?

 

JODY

Humor me for a minute. You tell me this Antichrist guy walks the earth, gathering support and claiming he’s a great leader, and he claims divine support.

 

JOEL

Right.

 

JODY

How do you think you would recognize him when he arrived?

 

JOEL

Oh, well... I’m sure it would be obvious. I expect he would be an evil and decadent man, convincing the people to perform all sorts of depraved sexual acts and...

 

JODY

How could he possibly gain so much popular support if he was so easy to recognize?

 

JOEL

Um, well, because people are evil at heart and would be happy to follow him.

 

JODY

Hang on a minute. I have a different scenario in mind. What if the Antichrist could actually appear to be GOOD?

 

JOEL

I don’t understand.

 

JODY

Well, I was just thinking... suppose the Antichrist was actually...

(looks at Joel, then decides to hold that thought)

 

JOEL

What are you trying to say?

 

JODY

Forget it. I can’t stay here. Those people are probably still looking for me.

(She gets on the skateboard and leaves.)

 

JOEL

Jody, wait!

(to himself)

(silence)

 

SCENE THIRTEEN  THURSDAY NIGHT  (Jody’s room. The lights are out, the room is in shadow. The window is open. We hear a scraping noise. A hand appears on the window sill and Jody hauls herself up and climbs inside.)

 

 

JODY

Thank goodness I only live on the second floor.

(She crosses the room and turns on the light switch. As the lights come up, Kevin steps out of a corner. He is pointing a gun at her. Jody gasps.)

 

KEVIN

Nice to see you again. Follow me, my dear, it’s time you learned about the wages of sin.

 

SCENE FOURTEEN  THE FINAL SCENE  THURSDAY, LATE NIGHT  The roof of the dorm. Six stories up. The rooftop is flat; there is no rail, only a row of raised brick all around, about shin high. Jody enters via some stairs, her hands on her head. Sid follows, still pointing the gun at her. Sounds like excellent fodder for an excitingly dramatic conclusion, doesn’t it?

 

 

KEVIN

There’s only one way to go from here. Jump, Jody.

 

JODY

Are you crazy?

 

KEVIN

I’m entirely sane. Jump. I’ll have no trouble convincing people you committed suicide. You’re nothing but an unimportant Generation X coward who believes in nothing, and we live in a culture of death. You had nothing to live for. I love it.

 

JODY

WHY, Kevin? Why are you doing this?

 

KEVIN

You would not acknowledge the eternal struggle of good and evil.

(steps forward)

 

JODY

That’s not true!

(steps backward)

 

KEVIN

You deny the existence of the Antichrist.

(steps forward)

 

JODY

No...

(steps backward)

 

KEVIN

I’m your savior, Jody. I’m here to show you the light, the way, the one true deity. ME. People on this trifling college campus will accept me as their spiritual guide, and in a few years I shall have an empire... of salvation. They will all turn to me in their search for a new Christ figure.

 

JODY

You’re a lunatic.

 

KEVIN

All you had to do was follow me, believe in my teachings.

(Behind Kevin, the door to the roof quietly opens. Sid enters. He is holding a gun.)

(Jody stares wildly at Sid, who slowly raises the gun to point at Kevin. Sid’s hand trembles. He does not fire.)

 

JODY

(desperately)

 

KEVIN

(highly amused)

(Jody is making head motions at Sid, who is still pointing the gun with a shaky hand but can’t seem to fire it. Finally Kevin turns around.)

(Sid tightens his grip on the gun. Kevin looks amused. He sidesteps to get a better look at Sid while keeping the gun trained on Jody.)

 

SID

I’ll do it!

 

KEVIN

But you shouldn’t do that. (takes a step towards Sid) You KNOW it’s not worth it. (step) If you shot me, you would be making a moral judgment. (step) And as you well know as I: I’m not good or bad, I’m shades of gray. (step) Just like you.

(Kevin is now an arm’s length away from Sid. He takes one more step and plucks the gun out of Sid’s trembling hand and lightly throws it off the roof. Sid barely reacts.)

(Kevin’s back is to Jody. Suddenly she runs up behind him and grabs his right wrist, the hand holding the gun. They struggle, then Kevin shoves Jody to the ground.)

 

KEVIN

Good try. I hope you’ll give my regards to my master when you see him.
 

(As he aims the gun at Jody once more, Sid, empty handed, finally reaches a decision. He rushes at Kevin and slams his full weight into him. The two of them plummet off the roof.)

 

JODY

SID!!!

(She runs down the stairs to find the two bodies on the ground below the dorm. Brother Joel is also nearby.)

(Sid’s eyes open painfully. He slowly turns to stare at her.)

 

SID

(grinning sheepishly)

(...and his eyes close again.)

 

JOEL

Jody... I care.
 

I hope you enjoyed my play.

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